Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
