Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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