If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
