did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
