I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
