somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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