i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
this hospital has no fireball
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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