nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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