Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
