I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
