i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
