He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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