You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
