I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
