i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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