butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
