Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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