you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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