I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
