if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
