normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
