would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
