i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Girls should come with a carfax report
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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