sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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