I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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