the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
