dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
