I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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