Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Randomize
