Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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