I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
