im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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