zippers are such a cool invention
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
