sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
