Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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