i just sent this text using only my big toe
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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