david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
porn star boner night. come get it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
