I swear god or herbie drove my car home
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
