the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
