I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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