$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
