one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
