people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
