Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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