put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
