Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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