is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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