Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
