somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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