my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
