I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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