the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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