we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
